


Crying Wolf

by Etienne_Lennon



Series: Two of a Pack [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 12:29:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etienne_Lennon/pseuds/Etienne_Lennon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus is struggling with his being a werewolf. A good thing he has his friends to support him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crying Wolf

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cassandra_sees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassandra_sees/gifts).



> Characters and places are not mine.  
> Nothing explicit happens here. But they are 17. Be warned.

Remus was tired. Too tired to sleep and too tired to pretend he was alright. He wasn't. This whole mess that was his life was more overwhelming than it had ever been before.

The Gryffindor common room had seldom felt so empty, despite the people sitting around, reading, laughing, being young. Yes, there was a fire burning. And yes, the red and gold colouring was comfortable and nice, but it wasn't what he wanted right now. He wanted darkness and loneliness. And he wanted... that was just the thing. What was it he wanted? He had been wondering all week. Ever since – ever since that thing had happened.

If it had been up to him, he would have stayed alone. Alone through this. But it was impossible to hide in dark corners and shy away from problems if you were friends with James Potter. James Potter would always be there for his friends and make sure they were fine. And Remus both loved and hated him for it. But James wasn't the worst. His inst inct would still tell him to run away, to flee if worse came to worse. Unlike – unlike – unlike...

„Sirius, you scared me.“ He said as someone sat down next to his chair by the fire.

„Hey Moony, what are you moping about?“ Sirius Black was a slim, black haired figure with very dark eyes. And just about the coolest boy Remus had ever met. Pure blood family or not. „Nothing. I'm just being alone.“ Sirius looked at him intensely. As if he wanted to stare an other answer out of him. Then he smiled. It was amazing how the otherwise so grim looking boy lighted up when he smiled. Remus could hardly keep himself from smiling in return. Although he was pretty sure he did not want to smile and definitely did not want a nice chat.

„Come on, mate, just talk to me. We have hardly seen you all week.“ That was certainly true. But Remus had his reason. It was a reason however that could not be explained. Especially not to Sirius.  
„You know. After the full moon I just need more alone time. You understand, right?“ The other boy – instead of walking away – just leaned in and patted him on the shoulder. „that's alright, but don't think we will let you continue with this crazy loner thing you like to do. We have become animagi so that we can stay with you and not let you withdraw from us. We won't have it. I won't have it.“

Remus squirmed. He had never thought of himself as the squirming type, but right now he was. How could he refuse Sirius, who was so easy going and so nice and who never seemed to lose his patience with the quieter, less spectacular Remus. But he had to. This would not do. this would certainly not do. „I just – I'm tired. I'm always tired these days. Sorry if that means I'm bad company for you guys.“

„Boys!“ a long, slender fingered hand dropped on Remus' shoulder and when he looked up, he saw James looming over his chair. Black hair tousled and blue ey es blinking with mischief. „Enough with the moping and counseling. We need to do something fun around here.“ At that, the light started spreading in Sirius' eyes as well. „What do yo suggest Jimbo?“ Sirius' attention was completely on James now. Suddenly, Remus felt like he could just as well disappear into the shadows. The two other boys just had a good time without needing anyone else. And although Remus had wanted to be alone all evening, he hated to be engaged and then ignored. „I'm sorry. I'm just going right to bed.“ Remus said and headed upstairs. The two other boys just vaguely moved their heads in that general direction and then started some wild schemes including a cat, a jar of milk, a poltergeist and two friendly house elves.

Alone in his bed, Remus felt – as crappy as ever. Why was this happening to him? He had been good. He had been a normal student, a good student. He had had friends. And now he was this – thing. This creature. That made it so wrong to even be close to them.

He could feel the moonlight pouring through the window. It had just been full moon.  
He could still feel a slight pull in his veins, but it was not as bad as it had been the other night.

Remus had trouble remembering when his first change had taken place. He had been bitten as a small kid and shown some minor symptoms. But his first transformation had only taken place when he had come into puberty. Someone had told him once that it would get better with time. But he felt it only got worse. He was almost 18 now and of late he had realized a frightening new quality to the change.

The transformations started earlier, lasted longer and got more and more intense. It was as if he could actually feel the moonlight running through his veins when he was – what he was. And that was actually the worst of it. Recently, he had started – remembering. Not as in actual chronological and concise thoughts – but he could remember feelings and images from his nights. And it scared him.

No boy of 17 should know how it felt like when bones crunch in their jaw or the sound that blood makes dripping on soft moss.

A boy of 17 should know however what it was like not to be alone. What it felt like to be loved and to be special to someone. Remus had often pondered that he would probably give one of his little toes to be like James. Always wanted, always loved and never uncertain.

He listened into the darkness. There was no one but him in the dormitory. And yet the loneliness had its own voice. The rustling of branches against the window, the tiny life sounds of rodents inhabiting the old tower as well as he did and the beating of the muscle in his chest. He couldn't help but wish he had not refused the two other Gryffindors and their quest for mischief. Even getting into trouble with the caretaker Fulch, would be better than this.

Remus lay there awake and tried to fight his instinct that told him to run and immerse himself in the woods.

But the woods would not leave him alone in his sleep.

\--  
His paws made no sound on the soft ground. But his breath was well audible to his own ears. It had been a long run. He didn't know why he had started running this hard, but he could not stop. Would not stop. Nothing could keep up with him. These were his woods and his alone. Or were they? Suddenly, another noise pierced through the night. A sound different from the rustling branches and the rodents going along minding their own business. There was something there, breathing with lungs the size of his own. The wind turned and now he could smell it, too. The other presence. The one that was there to rival him in his own woods.

He stopped running and turned around. He got into a defensive position, getting ready to fight any attacker. He let a low growl escape his throat. A distinct warning. The obtruder should walk away or get ready to fight.

Something came out of the shadows. Almost as big as him. All bright eyes black fur and glittering white fangs. His blood sta rted pumping faster. This was a worthy opponent. He growled one more time as a warning. Then he jumped – and the woods disappeared in a red cloud.

\--

When Remus woke up, he was sweating and disoriented. He felt nauseated from the grey light of the morning and irritated by the soft sound of people breathing in the dorm. He noticed that neither James nor Sirius were wearing their pyjamas. Apparently, the night had been a long one.

As quietly as possible, Remus got dressed and snug out of the room as quickly as he could. He went outside and to the lake, where he sat down in the cold morning air.

He would have loved to throw stones into the water but he was never sure what lived there under the surface and might go mad if a pebble fell on its head. So he just glared over the glittering mirror and into the distance. That dream had been intense and not good for him at all. He hated the memories, wanted nothing to do with them. It was easy to ignore them during the day, but if they crept back at him at night it was just wrong.

Although Remus had been lost in his thoughts, he turned around at onece when he heard footsteps on the soft grass.

„What's up, Moony? You seemed to be in some kind of hurry to get out of the dorm and then you didn't go to breakfast as usual. What's up?“

Remus looked into those black eyes. There seemed to be a strange glint to them. A familiar light. And there was that scent. Of cinnamon and dark wood and smoke. Remus had never realized just how unique Sirius smelled. It was odd and disturbing, how all of a sudden his senses had become sharper and somehow tuned in to the boy sitting next to him.

„It's alright.“ He finally managed to say. „I'm good. Just needed some alone time.“ „you keep saying that. But Remus – don't try hiding from this.“ For a second it seemed like Sirius wanted to put a hand on his shoulder but then didn't.

A thought occurred to Re mus that was both, frightening and intoxicating.

„Hey mate, when you go – you know all dog like – do you remember stuff?

Sirius blinked. His hand was still dangling somewhere between them. „I do actually.“ He said in a quiet voice. „why – don't you?“ Remus just shook his head. „That explains a lot.“ Sirius muttered under his breath. Remus just wanted to ask, what he meant by that when they heard a whistle.  
„Hey you two, don't make me miss my tea!“ James shouted from a distance. And there was that smile and there was Sirius leaving him.

Remus sighed. As if being a wizard wasn't difficult enough, the whole being a werewolf thing was far worse. Too many feelings, too complicated and too strong for him.

Remus sighed and followed the other boys inside.

Breakfast had always been a fun activity for Remus. Good food and talk, planning the day with his friends and a general easiness of being. Now it had become a rather stressful activity. He was constantly overtired and grumpy. And to make matters worse, breakfast meant unwelcome company. Peter for one. Remus had never liked Peter. Possibly, as he sometimes admitted to himself, because he was just like Peter in some ways. A lost boy who was hanging around the cool kids, eager to be part of something – anything. And for some reason, James was unable to tell either of them to stay away. Anyways, had it only been for Peter, Remus might have been able to cope.

But now, there was also – the girl. Lilly Evans. So pretty and so gifted. Remus never knew what to say to her. But then again, neither did Sirius. The only one who did talk to her was James. Those two could effectively talk forever, which was merely annoying to Remus but seemed to be slightly more significant to Sirius.

Just that morning, Remus would watch the dark and the red head bend over a cup of tea and have the sudden urge to vomit.

From the look on his face, Sirius seemed to be on the same train of thoughts.  
„I wanna go“. He told Remus and left without looking back.

James didn't even seem to notice what was going on, so enthralled was he in his conversing with Lilly. Remus had some trouble understanding this. After all – the other boys were his friends, his pack as it was. Why would he ignore them like this for a girl? Just thinking this made Remus blush. Truth be told, despite his going on 18 he had never thought much about girls. He had kissed a girl once, but that had been the result of a stupid game between himself, Sirius and James. In his view, he couldn't be bothered to start anything with a girl while he was a werewolf of all things and unsure whether he would not be potentially dangerous to her. He didn't know much about being what he was. And although there were some old wizards at St. Mungos who had told him he could come to them whenever he had any questions about his „situation“ as they called it, he certainly did not like the thought of talking to t hem about anything this private.

But -he mused while following Sirius to the dungeons for their first class of the day (which was potions with old and slow professor Gliba)- it's strange that Sirius wouldn't be more understanding with James. After all, half the girls at Hogwarts had a crush on the dark-haired boy and Sirius was rumoured to have made out with every Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Huffelpuff girl in their year and - so the rumours went – also with the notorious, young transfiguration teacher, which was how he had supposedly found out about animagi in the first place.

But then again, I guess it's different. Sirius has always put his friends first – no matter which girl he is seeing. In any case, Sirius was behaving oddly and Remus was not sure what to do.

His musing ended when they arrived at the bottom of the long, winding stairs leading to the dungeons. There was still time until class would start. Possibly a good opportunity to review their homework, which was a neutral topic and would hopefully not piss off Sirius anymore.

„Hey Patfoot“, he ventured. „I'm not sure about the conclusion in my essay on 'felix felicis', I argued it should be banned from sport competitions but might be used for academic purposes under specific circumstances – would you say..“

Remus never finished that sentence. The air was knocked out of him, as Sirius' lean form pushed him against the nearest dungeon wall. The dark eyes were very close to his and he could see the friend's lips trembling as if he was about to say something but couldn't get himself to do it.  
The other boy's body was wrapping his completely and Remus had never felt this hot before. All his senses were completely taken by Sirius now, the way he looked in that moment – handsome face somehow distorted from some inner turmoil, his scent, so familiar and so intensified in the proximity and even the sound of Sirius' breathing and his rapid heartbeat. And then there was the sensation that burned through Remus like something he vaguely remembered from a dream. „what the...“ he finally managed to say when some air returned to his lungs. But the words died on his lips when he caught the expression in Sirius' face. Despair, passion, fury and a helplessness that rang through his very being. And with that, Remus yielded. Whatever it was that the other wanted, he knew he would give it. „I need this.“ Sirius whispered before he bent his head to kiss Remus full on the lips.

His one short experience had never prepared him for this. Remus's head was spinning and he felt like he was on fire. The mouth claiming his was hot and soft and perfect and when he felt a tongue pushing inside his he did not resist- But he couldn't act either. Being kissed by Sirius like this he felt like a forest in flames. He was being consumed and there wasn't anything he could do about it.

The kiss lasted for what felt like an eternity and when finally Sirius withdrew on the sound of steps coming towards them, Remus felt the cold claiming him with as much force as the heat had before.  
He stood there – dazed, his hair and robes in disarray, his lips feeling swollen while Sirius seemed cool and perfect as always when he turned to address a snide remark at Severus Snape who went into the classroom as quickly as possible and without looking at them.

„Um.“. Remus said eloquently under his breath. He was looking for words to describe what he felt, but all his head screamed at him was do it again!

Sirius just stared at him and – went into the classroom without another word.

Remus stayed behind. There was this sudden pain in his stomach and he felt like he was going to faint any second now. Only when James arrived, late as always, did Remus follow him into the room. By then, he even welcomed the familiar stench of rat eyes and frog blood. At least with potions you always knew what you were at.

In hindsight, Remus never knew just how he had made it through that class. Luckily, he worked with Lily in potions and she was so good he h ardly needed to lift his head and look over to the cauldron facing theirs, where Sirius quietly and efficiently prepared all the ingredients, while James tried to get Lily's attention and continue their conversation from breakfast. But finally, it was over and Remus had a free double period to recover while James and Sirius headed for Arithmancy.

Remus went to the lake again, even though there was some yearning in his blood to go the forbidden forest and immerse himself in the wilderness. That would not do. He wasn't a beast after all.

The thought made him grin. Of course he was a beast. More than that, he was a freak. He was a wizard, a werewolf and now he let himself be kissed by guys and didn't even have the decency to think of the act as unnatural and revolting. Quite the opposite actually. He couldn't deny to himself that he had liked to be kissed by Sirius. But he didn't know what it meant. What any of this meant.

The boys had found out that Remus w as a werewolf when they were in their 5th year together. But by that time, the changes had not been so overwhelming. His times as a wolf had been short and Professor Dumbledore had seen to it that the gamekeeper, a big and fearless man, looked after the young wolf to make sure he didn't do any damage. But as the wolf grew stronger, control became more difficult, until about two months ago, the gamekeeper had lost his tracks and the wolf had attacked a centaur and nearly killed him. Remus had wanted to resign from school and go somewhere far far away (Australia for example) after the incident but Dumbledore wouldn't hear of it and instead insisted that Remus talked to his friends about it. And so he had. And for his last two times as a wolf, James, Sirius and Peter had been with him, as a stag, a dog and a rat. The first time with him, they had him chained up in the shrieking shack. But last time – last time they had been roaming free together.

The sun was rising hig her over the lake. Autumn had left only few leafs on the branches and the air had a milky coldness to it. He realized the nights must be pretty cold by now. But he remembered nothing of the cold. The wolf was too strong to be feeling cold.

Remus sighed. He wasn't strong. He was afraid. Afraid of what this would do to him and to his friendship with Sirius. After all, Sirius was the one who was with him in the forest.

Sirius, Sirius, everything in his life seemed to come back to Sirius, be it the handsome boy or the fierce black dog. Remus sighed. And then he screamed. He screamed out his anger, his frustration, his arousal and his helplessness out over the lake for any foul creature to here it whether they wanted to or not.

After that, the days went by in a silent daze, which was only interrupted by James and Lilly chattering, while Sirius scowled at James and Remus tried not to be close to any of them. In the meantime, the moon was growing as strong as Re mus was growing restless. And so the night of the next full moon came.

That night, Remus went to the shrieking shack alone. It was already dark but the moon was not up yet. He estimated he should still have about half an hour before he would turn – time enough to lock himself up. He had thought they would come with him – but none of his friends had so much as spoken to him that day. So by now it was just him and the chains he planned to use to tie himself up. „Kinky.“ He muttered to himself. And then – there was blackness.

The next memory Remus had was of him lying on the grass on a clearing somewhere in the forbidden forest. It was cold and wet, so much more so since Remus was completely naked.  
And he was not alone. Even before opening his eyes, he felt someone's glance on him.

Bugger.

„It's alright, Moony. You're save with me.“

Only then did he open his eyes. And saw Sirius sitting on a log. He was out off wizard robes and in blue jeans and a white T-shirt. His hair was slightly ruffled, and there were stains on his clothes. But to Remus he had never looked better.

„What are you doing here? What am I doing here?“ Sirius chuckled. It was a sound that Remus hadn't heard in a long time. It was nice. „Why don't you cover up first? Here.“ And Sirius tossed him a bag with his robes. Remus took them gladly and put them on. He felt oddly selfconscious and turned away from Sirius while getting into the welcome warm clothes. To no avail. „Cute butt!“ the other boy called and Remus could feel the blood rush into his face. What ever had happened to dark, brooding Sirius and who the hell was this new laughing and jesting jerk?

„ What ever had happened to dark, brooding Sirius and who the hell was this new laughing and jesting jerk?“

Now it was Sirius' turn to blush.

„Oh. Of course, you don't remember anything, do you?“ Remus was slowly growing impatient. „No. I don't. So if you could please fill me in I would be most obliged to you. He felt better wearing his clothes. Mostly because he felt warmer.

„Alright. If you need to know – I behaved like a complete idiot those past weeks. I didn't want to talk to you because- well, I didn't know what to say. And James – well-“ The familiar cloud seemed to darken Sirius' face once again. But this time it didn't linger. „Anyway, I kind of forgot about full moon, so I didn't go to the shrieking shack till much later, when Dumbledore asked me what I was doing lurking around the castle when a friend needed me.  
So I went and looked for you, but it was to late, you had already turned – and when I opened the door...“  
„...you let me out.“ It was as if someone had punched him in the stomach. „Well, yes. I saw the chains on the floor. Apparently you didn't have the time to chain yourself up.“

„Merlin's beard! Did I? Did I hurt you?“ In that moment, Remus vowed to have himself locked up in St. Mungos forever if he had hurt his friend. But Sirius just waved it off.

„No worries. You rushed passed me and knocked me off my feet, but I've gotten really quick with my transfigurations, thanks to Minerva – so I turned into the dog at once – and then -“ That smile again. „We had some fun.“

„Fun?“ Remus did not understand. „You know, running through the woods, hunting... and... playing.“ We've done it before, only you didn't remember, did you?“

That wasn't entirely true. Remus remembered. Feelings. Smells, the rush of blood, the rush of excitement, the heat. He just never would have told Sirius about it.

„I remember some things.“ He finally admitted. Sirius nodded. „I thought you might – but you never said – and then I kissed you and you never kissed me back and I was so stupid.  
But this morning we woke up together and I heard you say the best thing in the world in your sleep and I knew we'd be alright.“

Remus stepped closer to Sirius at that. The other boy stood up and now they were almost as close as they had been in the dungeons. „Will we- be alright?“ Sirius eyes were a dark night without stars and even in the cool morning they seemed to warm him completely. „You tell me.“

This time, it was Remus kissing Sirius. Tender for a second, growing fiercer in the next when he felt the other boy's lips move against his. Kissing Sirius was a rush of excitement and heat and butterflies. And it was fun. So much fun that he broke their kiss laughing and breathless.

„One more thing. - What was it I said this morning?“

„Why, my name of course.“

And Remus would say Sirius' name again and again as they filled the woods with their laughter and their kisses. And whenever a cloud would pass over a sun they would just seek out each others warmth.

 

FIN


End file.
